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Post by Durant, M. on Apr 30, 2014 19:08:06 GMT -5
Well, I don't actually plan on us becoming a full-size MEU. I just want at least half a platoon's worth of dedicated players so that there are plenty of actual player characters running around. It's a lot more fun interacting with player's characters than NPCs.
At the very least, a couple more people in First and Second Squad, along with someone to fill the billet of Corpsman would be lovely.
Also, I plan to move things forward for both teams if Cruz doesn't mind. That way we can all enjoy the joys of combat action, and Wilkas's character can finally shit herself (haha you know I'm just pokin' fun at your character).
I know Davis is probably antsy for some real combat after all the foreshadowing and build up. So, this should be interesting.
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Post by Wilkas, G. on Apr 30, 2014 19:24:12 GMT -5
Haha don't worry I have some schemes planned for this  It will be epic once I decide which one to use xD. I could always make another character or two to build up the numbers. |
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Post by Durant, M. on Apr 30, 2014 20:38:03 GMT -5
If you feel up to it, you can. I am technically pulling triple duty with three characters, soon to be four once this op is over and I've posted Ward's profile. I can't wait to reprise him as a younger version of his future self. I also can't wait to see your plans come to fruition. Also, for those of you interested, I know have a Wattpad account on top of my FanFiction profile. I will be posting the reduce of my original Halo story, Helljumper, on Wattpad as well as updating the one on FF once I've edited it. You can find me on FanFiction under the pen name "M. Cartwright or on Wattpad via username "M_Cartwright. I will also be posting the manuscript to my debut novel, Always Forward, on Wattpad. For a direct link to my Wattpad, simply look below: www.Wattpad.com/user/M_Cartwright |
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Post by Durant, M. on May 1, 2014 0:35:59 GMT -5
There. I managed to post two GM posts for both groups. I killed Mstislav off because there's been no word or sign of him in weeks, and his last post was a month ago with no reason stated for his inactivity. I didn't want to, but I did. So he marks our first player character death ever. Not sure how I feel about that, and it does sadden me because he showed promise. Anyway, Davis, I'm sure you'll want to beat me with a stick when you read my post in the NAV Data thread. Please know that I love you (no homo, I have a girlfriend) and that I only did it because I care. ... And I had to make room for my character...  So, yeah. Let's get to posting lady and gents! I'm hoping we can be on our way to our next op by June (preferably sooner). No rush, though. I just don't want you guys getting tired of what we got going on so far, and Cruz and I have big plans for next op. |
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Davis, E.
Marines
Fire Team Leader
NJP? Why yes, I think I'll have some....
Posts: 235 
Character Gender: Male
Character Age: 19
Character Race: Caucasian
Character Nationality: American
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Post by Davis, E. on May 2, 2014 18:46:11 GMT -5
Sorry for the delay here. Finals just ended for me. I'll get you a post this weekend.
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Post by Durant, M. on May 3, 2014 7:24:18 GMT -5
No worries, Wilkas. I kind of expected you to post again after the Stone post. A bit of constructive criticism though regarding your last two posts. I've noticed that the last paragraph of your posts have been extremely large, a wall of text. They're generally larger than your other paragraphs. I'd recommend breaking them up to make an extra paragraph. So instead of four paragraphs, you'll have five. The post you made before I posted as Stone had bothered me a bit (I'm a tad OCD), and I ended up editing it to make your post five paragraphs. As a rule I usually make my paragraphs between three and six paragraphs long. But, that's just me. Everyone has their own style, and I enjoy reading what you write. Just... reread what you write once its all finished to see if maybe you can break it up a bit more. To Davis, no problem, man. Take your time. |
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Post by Wilkas, G. on May 3, 2014 9:51:11 GMT -5
Okay cool I will do that now thanks. |
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Mason, I.
Marines
Squad Leader
Posts: 174
Character Gender: Male
Character Age: 39
Character Race: Caucasian
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Post by Mason, I. on May 3, 2014 10:51:58 GMT -5
JustforyouDurant.I'mgoingtomakemynextpostasmiserablyannoyingaspossible;Pmuhahahahahahaaajkjk DURANT EDIT: The above message was already miserably annoying enough. You need not torture me more. AND THAT'S RIGHT. I EDITED YOUR POST. GOT A PROBLEM? CUZ I GOT NINETY-NINE PROBLEMS... |
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Post by Durant, M. on May 3, 2014 11:00:35 GMT -5
I approve the message above. |
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Davis, E.
Marines
Fire Team Leader
NJP? Why yes, I think I'll have some....
Posts: 235
Character Gender: Male
Character Age: 19
Character Race: Caucasian
Character Nationality: American
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Post by Davis, E. on May 3, 2014 11:05:59 GMT -5
I will post today. It might be late today, but today none the less.
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Post by Durant, M. on May 3, 2014 11:09:54 GMT -5
Roger that. No rush, man; take your time. After you post I'll see to getting a Furby post up and then we can move forward some more.
Also, folks, we might be seeing more of the "Commander" very soon...
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Post by Durant, M. on May 4, 2014 1:49:04 GMT -5
I'll have a GM post up soon for First Squad. The prologue to my debut novel, Always Forward, is on Wattpad! I'd love it if you guys (and gal) checked it out whenever you get the opportunity. Here's the linkage. www.wattpad.com/story/15865235-always-forwardMason, Davis, and Cruz: leave any critiques or reviews on Wattpad, unless it won't let you as guests. If not, post them here. I am singling you three out because you're all prior service, and it's my hope that this story "gets it right" as much as possible. It is military fiction, after all. |
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Davis, E.
Marines
Fire Team Leader
NJP? Why yes, I think I'll have some....
Posts: 235
Character Gender: Male
Character Age: 19
Character Race: Caucasian
Character Nationality: American
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Post by Davis, E. on May 4, 2014 13:37:49 GMT -5
LT, it looks solid. As far as "getting it right", you nailed it, in my opinion. However, I will say I never did the active duty thing, so life on a base is about as familiar to me as life on Mars.
My only critique is that it feels more like reporting than writing. There is plenty of feelings talked about, but they aren't conveyed well. That was my first impression. I read over it again, trying to find you a specific example, but nothing showed up. I think it has less to do with your writing than from the POV. A third person story can fall into that, depending on how the reader connects with it. A first person telling always connects you to the characters more. ((I worded this wrong. Not the POV as much as who's telling it. You could be telling it from her, in the third person. Instead you're completely detached, like an omnipotent narrator. Further comments still can continue as normal.))
That all being said, I'd buy it. The third person disconnect is a common feature in Military fiction as it can build other pieces easier, like drama, danger, and seeing the big picture. So, yeah, take it for what it is worth. There is a PM waiting for you with other info.
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Mason, I.
Marines
Squad Leader
Posts: 174
Character Gender: Male
Character Age: 39
Character Race: Caucasian
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Post by Mason, I. on May 4, 2014 18:58:08 GMT -5
Lmao, nice edit Durant
Well written intro. I'll pm some suggestions.
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Post by Durant, M. on May 4, 2014 23:46:17 GMT -5
Thanks, guys.
Yeah, I tried to make it where I focused on Melissa and wasn't disconnected, but inevitably I seem better at the disconnected style of writing in third person. Lol. But, that said, I'm glad you liked it despite the way in which it's written.
I'll be updating Always Forward every Saturday. So, I'll let you guys know when the first chapter (which introduces our main protagonist) is up.
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It will be epic once I decide which one to use xD. I could always make another character or two to build up the numbers.
